When I Grow Up...

"What do you do?"

I despise this question. I find it misleading. The inquiry is not one of vocation but one of being: who are you? Somehow I don't feel one's job is sufficient to define them. I'm not the first to express this sentiment, nor will I be the last. Yet there it remains, and the feeling seems to run to the core of my being.

Yes, we all wrestle through the awkward years of figuring out who we are, and what we want to be. Of no assistance is society's content to allow us twenty-somethings to remain in extended moratorium, pondering courses with no impetus to act. Any time I have attempted to choose a profession anxiety and discontent envelope, as if they'd never departed. So the cycle repeats. Today I have come to a realization that I have been delaying for fear of it's implications: I abhor the concept of a career. I don't want one.

I once asked an older friend what he thought I should do. He responded by saying that time and again when he asked young men who they wanted to be, they unfailingly responded with a goal for a particular job. Unimpressed by his opening statement, I awaited his next words; expecting a list of qualities that would point toward a particular occupation. He perplexed me by saying that my career choice should be of little importance. Hold the phone - this went against all conventional wisdom! After all, a man is supposed to attend college, compete for a good job, make a name for himself, and provide for his family... that's the goal, right? More vital, he told me, is to become a good man.

There are three men I know I know that I look up to that come to mind. One of them is a pastor, amazing husband & father of eight, mentor of many, and the best man I've ever met. He has held a number of varying jobs and would do anything to provide for his family. Another is a church elder with a grown family who is very well respected in his community. He cleans carpets for a living. The last is a pastor who cares for his family, has literally moved wherever the Lord has called him, and will take any job to provide. Most recently he has been working on a farm and learning about bovine artificial insemination. These men trust God. They don't have enormous wealth saved up or prestigious positions, but when people ask about them it is not their jobs that come to mind. It is the men that they are - the entirety of the lives that they lead.

So what am I saying? I don't know what I want to do, nor am even I sure that I care. But I know who I want to be. I know the man I have always been passionate about becoming. I want to be like the men I described above. I want a wife I love and a family dedicated to God. One that I can lead and provide for in any way necessary; and I want to be a man that would do so. Whether I have a 40 year career or go from job to job, I trust God will provide. I'd prefer not to have to learn how to impregnate a cow, but I'm willing.